Simply 21 fantastic Peter Serafinowicz one-liners

Male actress and comedienne, Peter Serafinowicz has been wowing his Twitter followers with his brilliant one-liners for 7 years, and we’ve picked 21 of his absolute best.

  • “OOYL” – Yoda
  • If the apocalypse doesn’t happen tomorrow, don’t worry. It’s not the end of the world.
  • “Float like an octopus, sting like a clock.” – Mohammed Dali
  • So sad to hear the news about Jeremy Clarkson. He’s still alive.
  • Nothing is as effective as homeopathy.


  • Anyone remember the nineties, when you’d have to clean your mouse balls? I’m glad I don’t have pets any more.
  • Thank you for calling SeaWorld. Your call may be recorded for training porpoises.
  • “Shit just got real.” – God, creating the digestive system
  • Once I listened to so much Eno I had to be taken away in an ambience.
  • Lif is too short.


  • Which end of a pregnancy tester are you supposed to poo on?
  • ‘I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.’ – James Bond’s mother giving birth
  • God has a plan for you. It’s called ‘death’.
  • I’m taking the Kick The Bucket Challenge to raise people’s awareness of Death.
  • I’m still angry at my parents for not buying me expensive rollerblades. Cheapskates.


  • I’m pitching a kids version of Snakes On A Plane. It’s called The Eels On The Bus
  • Dear Sir/Madam, Your transgender operation was a partial success.
  • Can anyone tell me what Lucasfilm’s sound system is called? Thx
  • I never saw American History X, because I didn’t see any of the first nine.
  • Infinity fascinates me no end.


    All Jay-Z’s problems have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z

Make sure you follow @Serafinowicz NOW. What are you doing still here?!